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« Even Though I am Currently in Ukraine, | Main | Link Roundup »

18 February 2006



"There are no homosexuals in Azerbaijan"

This is especially funny because in Tajikistan, they love to make fun of Azeris for being gay.


I'm five years late to this post, but a few of my favorites. Some of these are more properly Lezgi-isms.
Health care:
If you have cancer, drinking kerosene is a last-ditch option to cleanse your system. (the patient died one month after this advice)

If you give your child a stekan of his dad's urine daily, he'll never get sick. (child got a cold about a month later and practice was stopped.)

If you have athletes foot, find some leeches and apply them daily. Leeches are available at the local pharmacy. (I never heard how this turned out)

If you have acne, go to the nearest "pir," dig up some dirt from the ground and mix it into your drink. (she still has acne)

Never take medicine in the form of a pill, any idiot knows that only injections work.

Diet advice:
Eating with a fork removes vitamins from the food, so don't do it. I'm only eating with a fork because you Americans think you're civilized.

If you really want to get strong, only eat bread. There once was a man who did that and became He-Man, only to get curious and eat an onion which immediately zapped him of all strength.

Misplaced national pride:
Everyone knows the U.S. has 52 states, you Americans show your inferiority by not having learned this in school. You also pronounce most of your English wrong.

Everyone knows the USSR put the first man on the moon. He's still there.

The Russians have a secret laser weapon that they recently used to wipe out an invading Chinese expeditionary force in Siberia. This is why America treads lightly in the Caucasus.

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