Carpetblogger

Least Surprising Story Ever

If you don't believe that an Aeroflot jet from Moscow to Geneva can be diverted to Prague because of a drunk belligerent, check this out. (Interfax via Snowsquare)

"The passenger demanded a change of the route, to Cairo," she said. The passenger's name is Vladimir Dagayev. He was born in 1974, she said. It is premature to say what measures might be taken against the passenger, but, usually, airlines put such people on a blacklist, Danenberg said.

That was the 141st case of irrational behavior by passengers on Aeroflot flights this year, the press secretary said. "I am pleased to say that the number of debauchers on Aeroflot flights is falling every year," primarily because of the company's security policy, she said.

Only 141 incidents of "irrational behavior" this year? That's one almost every other day, AND they probably don't even count those that occur on flights within the former FSU. Every single flight on Aeroflot or one of its retarded offspring I've been on has provided countless examples of behavior that would result in a body cavity search and maybe a tour of Guantanamo in other unnamed countries.   

RFE/RL's interview with the flight crew is even richer.

RFE/RL: Do you know his nationality?

Malinin: He appeared eastern-looking, maybe from the Caucasus, maybe from Ossetia. My personal impression was that he is from Asia or the south...

RFE/RL: What about the other passengers, how did they react?

Malinin: There was no panic, absolutely no panic. Business class passengers, where it all happened, in the area of the first kitchen, helped us.

Malinin: Annoyance [on the part of passengers] is natural here, because people are flying on holiday, but in my opinion, when the passengers were already leaving the plane, there weren't annoyed, nobody had any inadequate reaction or made any unpleasant remarks. This was a formality that everyone understood very well. Of course, there was some regret among the passengers, but everything ended well.

I live in this part of the world in a constant state of annoyance and regret and frequently respond with unpleasant remarks. However, if you voluntarily fly Aeroflot, you're going to have to put up with some "irrational behavior." Lie down with dogs, as it were.

If you find it hard to understand how something like this can happen, you only need to watch this video of what passes for normal around here, courtesy of English Russia.

Here's a Vote In Favor of Azerbaijan '16 Olympics

Mostly, I'm in favor of the bid because of all the new, exciting sports that might get included to enhance Azerbaijan's chances to bring in a gold, such as election stealing, money laundering, driving backwards down one-way streets, journalist beating and sheep fucking. Some, however, argue that the Central Asians have all the sheep events locked up.

And, befitting its position in the Top 30 Most Corrupt Countries in the World, there's lots of opportunity for mayhem in judging, evidenced by Azerbaijan's only judge in Torino being "demoted" for "mistakes" in the ice dancing event.

But, as a wiser person than me once said, putting in a bid for the Olympics is like nominating yourself for the Nobel Peace Prize -- there's no minimum requirement, no risk and it can be pointed to as evidence of your self-perceived "growing stature in the community of nations." Whatever.

Holiday Greetings from The Carpetblogger Family

santa, originally uploaded by Carpetblogger.

This is the second best picture I've ever taken.

New Years Lights In Kyiv

Snowsquare posted such nice photos of Moscow's New Years lights, that I thought I would reciprocate.

Keep in mind that not only is Christmas not celebrated on the 25th in this part of the world (the 7th is Orthodox Christmas), the Soviets didn't allow religious celebrations. New Years is traditionally the big civic celebration.

I remember last year getting into an argument with someone here or on some bulletin board about New Years Eve not being that big of a deal in Baku. This person argued that in other parts of the FSU, it's the biggest holiday of the year so it must be a big deal there as well. The guy was right --it is absolutely a big deal here.  But  New Years celebrations in Azerbaijan paled in comparison to those for Novruz and certainly were nothing like Kyiv's.

I have to say I'm pretty impressed with the effort that has gone into decorations. Colored lights exploded onto Khryshatik and Maidan today. They have sort of a midwestern metropolitan feel to them -- not so much Chicago as maybe Cleveland, or Indianapolis. I'm sure all those children overbundled against the rather balmy 40 degree night were shrieking "I can't put my arms down!" as they hustled from one Ded Moroz to the next.

It seemed for every child there was at least one Ded Moroz (Father Frost) on Maidan. Ded Moroz moves around with his Granddaughter, Snegurochka, the Snow Princess. Interestingly, back in 1991, when the Producer and I were buying used Christmas decorations from destitute Russians in Warsaw's stadium bazaar, we acquired paper mache figurines that I now recognize as Ded Moroz and Snegurochka. I would like to have them, but they are probably rotting in storage in Portland with everything else we own.

 

The Carpetdogs and I have been watching them assemble Maidan's New Years tree for the last week or so. Based on the heavy metal pole that serves as its stem, I assumed it was going be fake. But someone painstakingly stuck perfectly symmetrical fresh boughs into it, creating the perception of a fake tree that really is somewhat fresh. How clever is that?

The fireworks that accompanied the tree lighting tonight made me think the Russians had invaded. But then I remembered they're already here and didn't get off the couch to investigate further.

One thing I found fascinating was the painted panels surrounding the New Years Tree. They laid out in vivid detail a fairy tale that every Ukrainian five year old can probably recite by heart but was completely unfamiliar imagery to me. I was particularly intrigued by this one.

I've seen the beak and bird imagery a great deal in the polish posters I collect, but I never knew where the idea originated. I wonder if it comes from this story?

In the end though, New Years here isn't so unlike Christmas in America. Someone is going to get their New Years tree home and curse these guys who insisted, "of course it will fit in your stand!"

Turkmenbashi Has Left the Building

You will be missed, but probably not so much by your loyal subjects.

I can't wait to watch the state funeral. And watch the sharks move in for the kill. I sense an colonization opportunity here.

Glad I got to see Turkmenistan "before it changed" and got my English copy of Rukhnama. Here's my Flickr Turkmenistan set. Don't go using those without a credit, k? And this is sort of an interesting article about a visit someone made there.

And if you want to see some of what Carpetblogger has to say about this, start here. If anyone wants to send Carpetblogger to live blog the funeral on the 24th, have your people call my people.

Happy Birthday Leo!

Tuesday is the 100^th anniversary of Leonid Brezhnev’s birth in Dniprodzerzhynsk, Ukraine.

Home to the Dniprovsk Metallurgic Works, where Leonid started his career, it's one of the most polluted cities in the country. There's some rumor that DNZh (not to be confused with Carpetblogger fave DNP) has a thriving food scene, influenced by all the Asians, Europeans and Africans who moved there to build the city's enormous dam in the 1950's. Admittedly, I am skeptical. "We have all kinds of vegetables here! Cabbage AND beets!"

For those of you who may have forgotten, Brezhnev served as Secretary General of the Central Committee of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union from 1966 to 1982, a period known as the "Stagnation Period" in the USSR, but known as "the Commies are coming to get us!" period elsewhere. In fact, he might be best known for his charge into Afghanistan, which turned out to be a raging success that others have sought to emulate, even today.

Funny joke that some guy in Kyrgyzstan told me one night: Stalin, Krushchev and Brezhnev were riding on a train. The train comes to a halt in the middle of nowhere.

Stalin yells out: "kill the engineer!"
Khrushchev calls out: "rehabilitate the engineer!"
Brezhnev says: "pull down the window shades and pretend we're still moving!"

Yah, well, I thought it was funny.

Carpetblogger Takes Issue

Goddam! It seems like short-lived new features pop into my head every day now! The latest ephemera: "Carpetblogger Takes Issue."

This week in "Carpetblogger Takes Issue": Absurdistan by Gary Shteyngart, as one of the New York Times Review of Books Top Ten Books of the Year. Not so much.

Now, when I read Shteyngart's  Travel and Leisure article about his visit to Azerbaijan, back in September 2005, I thought that, based on the lede, he might be a genius. I will reprint it here because it's just that good.

AZERBAIJAN IS DEMOCRATIC AND LAWFUL is one of the billboard sayings attributed to the country's recently deceased dictator, Heydar Aliyev, which for many of its citizens would be true enough if "democratic" were changed to "kleptocratic" and the first l dropped from "lawful."

So, the main character, Misha -- a corpulent, Jewish, first generation Russian oligarch -- struggles to balance the competing psychological demands made by his pop culture-laden US education, his African-American girlfriend and his fundamental Russian-ness.

The book’s strength, no question, is the characterization of Misha’s post-Soviet character, his soft but frustrated life in St. Petersburg and his American ex-pat friend Alyosha-Bob who owns a video-pirating company called ExcessHollywood.

Where I think it falls apart is when Misha travels to “Absurdistan,” a fictional, oil-soaked seaside post-Soviet Republic, peopled by “Golly Burton” oil workers, not-so-smooth operators and slutty Russian girls.

This is thinly disguised Azerbaijan. Too thinly disguised and thinly rendered, I think. If ever there was a country that should be renamed Absurdistan -- that’s filled with parochial people with questionable motives, exaggerated grievances and transparent, remorseless greed -- it’s Azerbaijan. Even after staging a fake war between indigenous religious groups over the true position of the footrest on Christ’s cross, Shteyngart barely scratches the surface of the folly that is daily life in Baku. No fictionalization is even necessary.

Absurdistan: Not absurd enough.

ANOTHER New Carpetblog Feature!

It's called: "They don't really mean it that way, do they?"

Since it's very Ukraine-specific, this is likely to be a short-lived feature, but I have come up with some pretty cringeworthy examples.

Let's get at it!

First, there's a professional basketball team in Cherkassy, in central Ukraine. Its name is "Mavpy ," which means....

wait for it....

The Monkeys.

If you don't already know the answer to "they don't mean it that way, do they?" ask yourself: "I see a 6'8" African American in McDonalds in Cherkassy. Can I go up and ask him, 'Hey! Are you a Monkey?'"

Of course they mean it that way!

Example #2: My absolute most favorite window display EVA!

This shop sells expensive kid and baby stuff.  I'm not sure how using mannequins to illustrate Ukrainian attitudes toward race helps them sell frilly bassinets, but maybe they know something I don't.

Of course they mean it that way!

OK, last example.

This is the holiday decoration in the window of the Vienna Bakery. A menorah? WTF?

As you may know, there used to be a lot of Jews in Ukraine; now, for a variety of well-known reasons, not so many. As for ecumenical diversity these days, there are now BOTH kinds of religions here -- Ukrainian Orthodox AND Eastern (don't call us Uniate) Rite!

This window display perplexes me every time I walk by it. Is the owner of Vienna Bakery one of Ukraine's few remaining Jews? If so, isn't putting a menorah in your shop window sort of a risky strategy, given Ukrainian history? Or, is it a healing gesture, a symbol of the new Ukraine where the mayor of Kyiv  (fondly known in street graffiti as "Charny Meyr" or black mayor) can get elected despite his high-profile membership in a charismatic Protestant church headed up by a Nigerian preacher? Or, is the 19 year old kid in charge of holiday decor just a complete retard?

I do not know what they mean by this.

Kyiv Gray

When I become a color consultant, I am going to create a color called "Kyiv Gray."

Its origins are obvious to anyone who currently lives in the Ukrainian capital. It has neither rained nor has the sun come out in several weeks. It's not even that cold (about 45f). The only snow was back in the first week in November.

As one whose ancestral home is the Pacific Northwest, I know from gray days, but there's not even the reflective qualities of the constant drizzle to brighten things. It's like the air sucks the color even from the devushkas' overprocessed hair and casinos' neon.

It's only early December and it's still sort of light at 4 pm, but we're going to have put some folks on suicide watch soon.

US Support for Democracy in Azerbaijan

Knows no limits. The US Azerbaijan Chamber of Commerce sure knows how to send the right message.

Free carpets? I want to party with those guys!