Ask Carpetblogger! How can I tell if expat life is right for me?

If getting what you want, the way you want it, when you want it, is critical to your overall life happiness, then life abroad is probably not for you. Sally, of When Harry Met Sally, would have melted. The key, in my experience, to success in expat life is the suppression of desire. Happiness comes from wanting what you get, rather than getting what you want.

Let's take a simple example: Soup of the day. You ask the waiter what it is and the only word you recognize is "tomato." Great, you think. I love tomato soup. Maybe there are a lot of other vegetables in that soup, too (another key to success in expat life is wishful thinking, but that's for another edition of "Ask Carpetblogger).

The soup comes. It's lentil soup, with tomatoes.  You are faced with a choice: disappointment because there are no visible tomatoes in your soup -- only a vague  hint of puree -- or complete satisfaction. Yay! Lentil soup! I love lentil soup!

Maybe this isn't the best example because in Turkey, nine times out of 10 soup of the day is going to be lentil and it's totally delusional to think otherwise. But even in Kyiv, when you order steak and get a pork chop, it's best just to accept that pork is probably better for you anyway.

Furthermore, there is a correlation between the intensity of the desire (for a really good bagel, for example) and the barriers that will prevent you from satisfying that desire (no Jews). Do not desire bagels. Be happy with a simit -- there's a simitci on every block. No barriers at all. Don't let the words "pork shashlyk" enter your mind. Ever.

The Buddha said the root of all suffering is desire. It's one of the four noble truths. That dude clearly spent a lot of time abroad.

Comments

[magpie]

A good bagel is hard to find - nay, impossible even in places where there are a lot of Jews. Except I guess if you are an expat living on 2nd Avenue.

[Chirol]

Hooray for lentil soup! Have to say I'm jealous of your being an expat in Turkey. I leave for Diyarbakir in 4 weeks and will shoot you an email once I'm coming in the direction of Constantinople.

[enid]

so true. when she was travelling about south east asia, enid learnt the same lesson with tea and coffee. once you stop trying to get the exact amount of milk (a little, semi-skimmed) and sugar (none), and accept that in this country it's black and sweet, and in this one it comes with half a pint of condensed milk, then you find true happiness.

[Tana]

passable, sweetish, boiled bagels can be found at TRIBECA in nisantasi and yenikoy and other places ...

[vagabondblogger]

Just moving in to an apartment in Cairo. Just telling myself to chill. That's my new mantra - "just chill". And so far it works. As for Bagels - there's a shop here in Maadi known as Jared's Bagels and they're not bad. I'm not a bagel person though.

[carpetblogger]

Vagabondblogger, I hope that mantra works for you in Cairo. I know I would have to supplement it with valium and vodka martinis if I lived there. I spent my third day alone here in solitary confinement due to new-city over-stimulation. It worked though. Sometimes you just have to spend a quiet day inside, alone. Good luck~

[dianeinjapan]

Sigh...this desire thing--depressing but true, methinks. I enjoyed reading your take on it, though.