Carpetblogger Does the U.S. and A

I get to go to America on Tuesday for my annual visit! Here are some things I am going to do:

• Wear my Valenkis with a shapka, 'cause both these things are totally in this winter, according to my sources. In this regard, I am ahead of the fashion curve!

• Fly around the US on one-way tickets, purchased with cash;
• Make a scene at airports when subjected to indignity;
• Buy a few jars of non-tainted Skippy. Then, I will ask the cashier in the supermarket if that's her "best price"and if maybe there might be an indirim (discount).
• Visit my childhood dentist who, almost 20 years ago replaced my front teeth after I knocked them out and established my criminal record on the same day in unrelated incidents;
• Deliver a gesture of my appreciation to the White House (America, Fuck Yah!) for totally supporting our troops and hating on people who hate on freedom.

I am most looking forward to the 24 hour trip from Istanbul to Frankfurt (the Dallas of Europe) to Dallas (the Frankfurt of America) to Seattle, our ancestral home. Hopefully the Carpetparents will remember to come to the airport. Then, a massive reunion of the worst Baku characters in D.C. is scheduled, and a brief pass through NYC.

The Carpetdogs are staying home, and really, that's a good thing. We are totally sick of each other. We need some time apart.

Comments

[Nathan]

Wow, that's one helluva flight. It makes my recent miserable flight back from Delhi seem nice.

Enjoy your time in the US. If you're lucky, this cold snap we've been having in Seattle will be cleared up by the time you arrive.

[Little Miss Moi]

Damn not living in a hub. I am going back to Oz on Thurs and am breaking in London because Kyiv to Brisbane direct was going to take 40 hours. Stopping in London whittles the journey down to about 30 hours. Have fun. Enjoy the skippy. And wear that shapka good.

[carpetblogger]

Oh, it shouldn't take this long. It's a stupid ticket. On the way back I fly NYC to Ist direct -- hardly that much more time than flying across the US.

[Mason]

Why do you never stop in Omaha? Why? This is where Con Agra is based... home of tainted peanut butter.