Carpetblog Weighs In: Disneyland in Baku
Astute reader Jonathan passes along a titillating rumor that he's heard around Baku!
"Baku is trying to negotiate to be the location for a Disneyworld! It will be out on the island off Baku, and there will be a new causeway connecting to the new road they are building up near TISA.
I find it hard to believe but then I remind myself that this is a place that thinks it can get the Olympics…
All those fancy hotel pictures you have seen (the arsehole one…) are tied into this dream I suspect."
ZOMG! Because Carpetblog is nothing if not service-y, we're offering some ideas for amusements that we think are consistent with the "Happiest Place on Earth" brand yet, at the same time, take advantage of the rich cultural offerings of "the Oasis Between Iran and Chechnya."
We've already weighed in on some potential events should Azerbaijan be selected to host the 2016 Olympics. Here are some Carpetblog-approved attractions for Disneyland-Baku, offered free of charge.
"It's a Small World": The Boat Bar was an abandoned Soviet-era passenger ferry rusting at a pier next to the boulevard. It was, by far, the best bar in the Greater Caspian Region. Re-hire the whores, water down the liquor, genetically enhance the bed bugs, fill it with pointy-toe shoed thugs and crank the Tatu up to 11! I will personally contribute my bottle of "Za Karabagh!" jubilee vodka for the rechristening.
"Autopia": The best part about MAC Carting was that no matter what time of night (or morning) and in what state of intoxication you arrived, you could drive go-carts as fast as they would go and issue daring challenges to your contemporaries. This is a no-brainer.
"Mad Tea Party" A group of drunk women crash the all-male chaikhana on Malakansky Sad. Watch the sunflower seeds fly!
"Kleptocrats of the Caspian:" Guys in shiny pin stripe suits randomly approach guests and demand $80 in exchange for a stamp on their ticket stub.
"Frontierland Shootin' Exposition:" Recreates the scene on the Iranian border when the US invades.
"Astro Blasters:" Entry free of charge with purchase of two half-cooked lula kebabs and six Xirdalan beers. It's a squatter!
Carpetblog 100% supports this idea, but there's really no need to build an island. So many of these attractions already exist in Baku that the capital investment should be pretty minimal.
Yes! Not that I'm savvy in any sort of business lingo, that sounds like a sure investment to me - but really, what investment when it's already all there!?! Minimal outlay, maximum profit (and if not, you've always got the team on the "Kleptocrats of the Caspian" ride to help make up any budgetary discrepancies). Paris of the Caucasus - Disneyland Baku. It's pure gold!
Posted by: too many frogs... | March 21, 2008 at 11:30 AM