No one knows better than Carpetblogger how to ingratiate oneself to an obscure, corrupt dictator with oil, so we're a little miffed Obama's campaign manager David Plouffe didn't call us before his upcoming trip to Azerbaijan. Who hearts Baku more than Carpetblogger?
Anyhow, since he's visiting at the invitation of the Association for Civil Society Development, a government-created lobbying organization masquerading as an NGO and, as RFE/RL tactfully puts it, "government mouthpiece," he may not need our advice after all. We wonder if he might be there to discuss the fake exit poll the group commissioned for the 2005 parliamentary election that did so much to enhance Warren Mitofsky's reputation (it completely annoys us that Daria Vaisman's excellent TNR article about this story isn't online) and support the government line that it doesn't steal elections. Or maybe, even a Chicago political consultant can learn something about election stealing from the pros. But! We digress.
Here's our advice.*
- Azeris have the biggest poles.
- Watch out for Camel Toes!
- Be sure to check out the hip-hop scene.
- Maybe you might want to plan another junket after Disneyland-Azerbaijan and the Death Star/Caspian Asshole hotel opens.
- Azerbaijan is democratic and lawful. The signs say so.
- Azerbaijan has a thriving fashion industry. Maybe you can suggest Michelle chose something from the Atilla collection for the White House Correspondents' dinner.
- Obviously there are no hard feelings about the whole Chicago vs. Baku in 2016 thing.
- Don't miss Sumgayit. Bring your gas mask.
Remember, David, it's not selling out, it's buying in! We're glad GovAZ is establishing links with the new administration and we hope you're presented with some quality investment opportunities while there. Democracy is for chumps!
Ken Silverstein at Harpers has written at length about ASCD. He has updated his blog.
*If you think this post was just an excuse to link to old posts, you might be right. Those were the days when we actually liked this blog.