The Eurocup 2012 soccer tournament in Ukraine this year is finding that they have sold only half the tickets they should have by now. European soccer hooligan wannabes are blanching at the 500 Euro per night for three star crapotels. My question for you...don't Ukrainians realize that if they don't charge reasonable prices, nobody will come?
Thanks for the question! We know that you, like us, care about both Ukraine and futbol so we're going to answer this question with more than the usual care and seriousness.
As you probably know, Carpetblogger devoted much of her youth to selling things no one wants, namely, Democrats. Therefore, we are uniquely positioned to help Ukraine address its issues.
Ukraine's government is run by a breathtakingly corrupt cabal of thugs, its economy is near collapse and its sullenly incompetent service sector is woefully unprepared to meet the high standards in cuisine and accommodation demanded by sophisticated world futbol fans. These negatives are hard to overcome, it's true. But Ukraine is not without natural advantages. As a market research professional, we encourage Ukraine to play to its strengths.
We quickly sketched out some marketing materials for FutbolEuroMegaCorporateCup2012.
The title of the campaign: Free Public Boobs! (TM) MUST CREDIT CARPETBLOG!
This how some Ukrainian women react to the outcome of major sporting events. In light of this, we think that 500 euro for a three star crapotel should be sold as fucking bargain! Who doesn't want Free Public Boobs? This idea is so good you could even charge extra for the pickles and meat jello served for breakfast, which no one wants, ever.
Free Public Boobs. Problem solved. No need to thank me.