We have been under the mistaken impression that Turks had cornered the market on mindless, testosterone driven nationalism (MTDN). That was before we had been to Texas! We always had a vague sense that this was the dominant characteristic of Texans, but saw it as something we never needed to concern ourselves with since we had, until now, made it a policy to never go to Texas.
There are countless unattractive ways in which MTDN manifests itself, too many for one blog post. So let's focus on music.
Saying they have both kinds of music, country and western, here is a bit generous. From our observation, the only music allowed on the radio is country and/or western music in which Texas figures prominently in the lyrics. There must be a Ministry for Making Sure Texas Comes Up At Least Once In Every Song. Can you think of another state in which this is the case? Minnesota? Oregon? Probably not.
Extra credit must be awarded to lyricists who praise women who share characteristics with Texas, such as "her teeth are white like west Texas cotton fields." Even so, we have not yet heard "she smells like Port Arthur" or "her personality reminds me of Lubbock" or "she's dry like Eastland County."
Curious readers might ask, "what, if any, role does Jesus play in this culture's music?" Astute question! When Jesus comes back -- if you believe the Zionist Christian talk shows out of Abilene, look for him sometime next week -- he is probably going to stop first in Mingus and have a beer before switching to whiskey around midnight.
Occasional references to Merica are encouraged, as are colorful shorthand references (red, white and blue, duh). Despite these, you can listen to the radio all day and get the distinct sense that Texas is its own planet, with its own physical and psychological geography, rotating on its own axis and orbiting a different sun that the rest of us see. This explains a lot. It also should come as a surprise to precisely no one.
As the clever Peter Feld points out regarding Texan Secession: "Subtract 38 red electoral votes (post-redistricting), two Senators and net 10+ House seats? Hell yeah!"
Where do we sign?