Carpetblogger

Barren and Almost 40

Creatively barren, that is. That's why there have been no posts lately.

Tomorrow, Carpetblogger and The Producer head to Amerikastan for three and a half weeks, three weddings, one 40th birthday and five states. We're also going to sell the mysterious contents of our Portland storage unit in our neighbor's front yard, swim in the Pacific Ocean and officiate at the "wedding" of our dearly beloved Chiplomat and Bentonator in Morro Bay. We're going to eat cheese that isn't white, drink wine and beer that doesn't taste like ass and eat Hood Canal oysters until we puke. If those activities don't generate a worthwhile post or two, we might retire from blogging.

In the meantime, if you want to read about Heydar Aliyev's personality cult, or Baku's mosque scene, check out our blogfriend Josh Kucera's excellent pieces on Slate this week from his visit last summer (and we say that not just because he linked to us and made us feel guilty for never writing anything anymore. Welcome Slate readers!)

Yes, Carpetblogger Lives

Only right now, the many temptations of Americastan distract.

Regular posts will resume when the whim strikes.

Happy Holidays from the Carpetblog Family

Because this is the best picture I ever will take, I will use it again, for the third year in a row, to wish everyone in Carpetblog land a Merry Christmas, Iyi Bayramlar, з новим роким or mutlu yıllar!

A Forum for the Airing of Grievances

Today marks three years and three countries worth of grievances aired and feats of strength accomplished. 

Our first post addressed a topic on which there is no shortage of grievances worth airing: Driving habits of the Turkic world.

Happy Birthday Carpetblog!

Silly Stories About Carpetblogger

Tagged by Turkish Muse for seven silly stories about me that no one else knows. I don't follow directions very well, so some of these are my most famous stories, but since they've never appeared on this blog before, they're new to you.

1. I have had seven concussions, all horse-related, except for the time I tripped over a curb. One incident went something like this:

Carpetblogger, walking horse home.

Ancestor, calling from bedroom window: "What happened? Why are you walking?"

Carpetblogger: "He fell."

Ancestor: "Is he ok?"

Carpetblogger: "He's fine." Window shuts.

Later, it emerged that the reason I was walking is because I couldn't remember how to get back on.

2. I went to Catholic school for 15 years.

3.  I am functionally illiterate in math. Some have even used the word "retarded." I blame the above two factors.

4.  I knocked my front teeth out and got a criminal record on the same day in unrelated incidents. When I am stressed, I dream that my bridge has fallen out, exposing the gaps and stumps of my front teeth. My father had spent many thousands of dollars straightening those teeth, too, which is sort of funny.

5. I was U.S. National Reserve Champion in Arabian horse judging in 1983.

6. Until I left for college, I shared a bedroom with my younger sister. She is a champion sleep walker/talker and torturing her was incredibly satisfying. My best work occurred late one night while I was awake doing homework:

Sibling: Muttering nonsensically (in a different way than she does when awake). "What time is it?"

Carpetblogger: "OMG! You are SO LATE! Dad is driving carpool today and he is SO PISSED! You had better get ready RIGHT NOW!"

Sibling: "Aaaah! I'm almost ready!" (throws on St. Louise School uniform plaid skirt, white shirt and red sweater. Runs downstairs, through the family room where my parents are watching TV and out the back door to the garage).

Ancestors barely look up from the television. "Erin, go back to bed."

7.  I am still close friends with three women who I met when I was two years old. One fed me blackberries (which I promptly threw up) when I got my first concussion and broke my arm after being thrown from my pony at age 7. Another (her sister) continued the tradition, giving me painkillers and raspberries (also puked up) after I got thrown from a horse (at age 31) and broke a vertebrae. Only after the traditional cures failed did we go to the hospital. The third one lives in Anchorage, Alaska and just started a blog. She broke her ankle once jumping over a ditch, but no one gave her any berries as far as I know.

Here are my tags:

Brady (Etiluq-- She is Learning)
Villa Luna
Skip 365
Helene at Wu Wei
Melissa

And since Jeskil has a new blog, apparently devoted to clitori, I'll tag her too!

Carpetblog in the News

Carpetblog was featured in an article in Today's Zaman about bloggers in Turkey.

Fascinating and insightful!

And I guess it would be nice to link to all the other blogs featured, too. James in Turkey (always a favorite around here), Turkish Muse, Istanbul La Turq (in French), Du Miel Aux Epices (in French) and  Istanbul Blog (in German). All are quite excellent!

Greetings to World Hum Readers

If you found this site via World Hum, hos geldiniz and have a look around. Recent posts notwithstanding, we do have interests other than Baku building collapses and air conditioning. No less parochial, but certainly more varied.

Perhaps you're interested in Ukrainian fashion trends . Ever wonder if you have what it takes to be a devuska? We're known in certain circles as the Wikipedia of Slutty Dressing.

Istanbul expat life is intellectually stimulating! Join us as we fail one Turkish class after another.

Are you a foodie? The finest easting establishments in the former Soviet Union are reviewed here.

I bet you've not spent one minute of your life so far thinking about Azerbaijan. Spend ten minutes reading here and you'll have done far more than 99.9% of the world. If you're lucky enough to be headed to the oasis between Iran and Chechnya, there are a few things you should know before you go.

And, don't forget to check in with the Carpetdogs. Nothing happens around here without their approval.

100,000 Visits!

Sometime in the next few days, Carpetblog's 100,000th visitor will be recorded. Since it's probably some mouthbreather searching camel toe, ass fat, boobies or devushka photos or gay sex hamam Baku, it will be hard to single out the blessed visitor. Would that it were possible, however.

But you, dear reader, make Carpetblog what it is today.

Thank God I am Not Turkish

If I was, I would be turning 40 this week instead of 39. Turks count the year you're starting, not the year you're ending.

The producer is even happier about this. Even though he thinks he has a Gram Parsons impersonator lined up, that person still needs a lot of practice (on the singing part, not the running amok part-- he's got that pretty much down) and hasn't yet traded his salwar kameez for a nudie suit.

Notoriety Not Proven

Longtime reader/frequent commenter Copydude weighed in on the wikipedia reference in yesterday's post.

Quick backstory: While in the U.S., it fell to me to explain to my father what wikipedia is and the important role it plays in modern life, such as resolving bar-based trivia disputes before they turn violent. Recent examples I used to illustrate its value included "who was Ford's vice president?" "the difference between dwarves and midgets" and the "difference between lambs and kids." He then expressed surprise when it turned out that he, of such high stature in the wire and concrete reinforcement community, doesn't have a page. I told him I'd, uh, get right on it. Guess it's harder than it looks!

Anyway, back to Copydude, lookin' out for Carpetblogger:

"CB, you wrote: 'First, a little background (shamefully, like my father, she has no Wikipedia page)'

True confession. Last year, as a bit of mindless mischievy, I attempted to set up Wikipedia Carpetblogger page. 'The Wikipedia of Slutty Dressing.' You may remember the in-joke. Well, I had nothing else to do one Wednesday afternoon.

It is actually quite hard to set up Wikipedia pages. I went through many hoops. I tried to be cute and supplied an authentically forged map and co-ordinates of Crapistan. Then I supported it with many references to CB and Dyevushkas. But I got very sniffy rejection slips from Wikipedia mods. 'Notoriety not proven' was the nail in your coffin, CB.

I tried another couple of workarounds - like entering Carpetblogger as a 'stub' - hoot - but Wiki sent me a mail telling me to go play in the sandbox.

I tell you, I wouldn't bother with Wiki again - not even as a practical joke. I don't have that many Wednesday afternoons. So, no shame if you're not mentioned. Lots of people must give up. And I'm sure you didn't want to be a 'stub' anyway."

Notoriety not proven! Well, clearly the wikipediots haven't asked around Baku. And, anyway if the amount of hits we get for "devushka," and "camel toe" are any indication, wikipedia owes it to us because Carpetblog is the internets' primary authority on those topics.

Anyway, Tim Noah wrote two pieces on Slate a while back about how hard it is to get your own wikipedia page and how there's no good reason why people like my father or Carpetblog, or Copydude, shouldn't have their own page.