Turkey's Great Leader recently floated the idea of the "Lira Zone," a TL-based currency bloc alternative to the Euro Zone. Finally! Turkey has a leader with the vision to thumb his nose at the club that doesn't want it LIKE A BOSS. Like the premeditated arbicide of Taksim Square, this is a plan whose time has come. To show our unmitigated support, we've offered naming services for the new union -- gratis:
The Crapizone, with its own unified currency, the Crapistani (dim: the Crappi).
If we were more graphically-minded, we would create the symbol too, but we advise sticking with the new TL symbol, 'cause nothing says "bouyant" like an anchor.
“Theoretically, only Iraqi Kurds (in Northern Iraq) and Azerbaijan could consider joining the Lirazone, but even for them, it would be very difficult,” he said.
Oh Mr. Atilla Yesilada, political analyst at Global Source Partners, an Istanbul-based research firm, what's with the small thinking and petty discrimination? While you absolutely cannot have the Crapizone without the participation of anchors Baku and Erbil, don't exclude other worthy participants just because they don't have functioning economies or are ruled by oligarchic authoritarians. In fact, the latter should be a prerequisite for participation.
If you've forgotten how to tell if you are in Crapistan, here's a helpful reminder. But what should be the criteria for a country joining the Crapizone? Here are a few thoughts:
- Any country where there the "world's tallest/biggest/roundest" anything has been built or is currently under construction. Hosting the world's largest flagpole, even if it's wilted, or the biggest flag are grounds for automatic inclusion in the Crapizone. So is creating the world's largest LED picture. Or the world's largest indoor ferris wheel.
- Any country where it is possible (if not feasible because there are too goddamn many) to google map statues of dead dictators.
- Any country where Turkish construction companies are building giant malls at a faster pace than giant mosques or giant hotels.
With a wallet bulging with Crapistanis, there's no limit to the crystal-encrusted jeans or pointy shoes or $7 cups of Nescafe you can buy. It's the new status symbol, which blinged out white hiphop artists will be wearing around their necks in music videos filmed on the shores of the Caspian.
In fact, we're going to start trading dollars for them today. That's how bullish we are are on the Crapizone.