Carpetblogger

Ask Carpetblogger: What Should I Wear With My Devushka Boots?

Just this evening, Carpetblog received the following query from Suze, college roommate and well-known gossip columnist:

"The real reason I write is to seek your advice in an area in which you are an expert.  My husband gave me Devushka boots for Christmas.  What should I wear with them?"

R u for serious? Regular Carpetblog readers should be able to predict our response to this question. Those are MAN BOOTS!  Those are what you wear to go hiking. Call us when those heels are increased by a factor of three or four and we'll recommend some rabbit fur accessories and a couple of those skirts you wore sophomore year.

And then it occurred to us. Suze WAS a devushka in college --a Scottish/Irish/Catholic devushka. We feel comfortable living among devushkas as an adult because we spent so much of our formative years observing a devushka and her curling iron in her native habitat.

Unfortunately, since it was the late 80's, there are no digital photos of my devushka college roommate in my vast library, but I would happily replace this facsimile with the real thing, should a helpful reader scan and email one.

I think Suze had boots just like this freshman year. Of course, now she's a respected corporate lawyer/environmental activist and has matured, as 40 year olds with two kids tend to do.

What Would Happen if Ukraine Invaded Rostov

Here's a recruitment ad for the Ukrainian army.

Though seriously, I don't know where they found those good looking army recruits. The devushkas look like they were imported from Kherson or Mikolayev in 1994.

Thanks to Josh for the heads up!

It's September in Kyiv

And it's getting cooler. That means the skirts don't get longer but the boots get taller. If you're not familiar with the principles of devushka fashion, you'd better read up first.

We're in a shoulder season here in Kyiv. It's still too warm for cropped puffy jackets and pink fake rabbit fur, and black wool coats trimmed with dog fur are still a month or two away. Stiletto sandals are out, but stiletto boots are in, in, in. Tampon-string skirts are never out of fashion, nor are camel toe jeans.  Be sure to accessorize liberally -- winter, spring, summer or fall -- with sequins, crystals, rhinestones, fishnets, brass studs and superfluous buckles!

Let's take a look at what's hot on the streets of Kyiv this season.

While her tampon string was not visible, the tops of her stockings were.

Admire the whole devushka package here: Mobilichka in use, black fake handbag, lots of ruches and boots that serve as both hosiery and footwear!

Those heels are pretty low.

As an experienced Devuska photographer, I never produce quality work when I position myself in prime territory and wait for them. I do my most creative work when I rip my camera out of my bag, dropping pens and receipts on the ground, in order to capture an iconic devushka as she clacks by, supported by the arm of a much less attractive friend. A smart devushka knows that when promenading on Khryshatik on Friday evening, an accessory more valuable than an animal print catsuit is a less attractive friend.

Alas, sometimes quality suffers for spontaneity

If knee-high white boots are wrong, I don't want to be right!

Alas nothing is more fleeting than youth.

Watch Out, Devushkas!

Carpetblogger is coming back to Kyiv for a stay of moderate length (three weeks!).

Shall I pack my ice-pick sandals or is it stiletto boot season yet? I bet pink cropped rabbit fur is already visible on Kryshatik on Saturday nights! Don't try talk me out of it.

On the agenda: Pork.

Watch out for the long-overdue post on Crazy Menus.

If Southwest Airlines Had Flights to Kyiv

They would all be flying with empty planes if they started playing fashion police, like they did in San Diego this week.

Would you kick this woman off your dirty 737? We didn't think so

This woman is dressed modestly by Devushka standards. Those are MEN'S shoes, for crying out loud.

If that airline hopes to compete against Aeroflot, AeroSvit or even AeroDon (which btw, given Southwest's service standards, is a pretty fair match in the marketplace), they might want to dump the passenger dress code.

Southwest may not know it yet, but they are totally the official Devushka airline.

Carpetblog suggests: Southwest Airlines! Embrace your inner devushka. Is there that big of a difference between the LAX-LAS and KBP-IST commuter flights? No, there is not. Do a little market research. Don't fight it and stop trying to be something you are not.

Back on the Devushka Beat!

The only Russian outrage I can imagine being sparked by the Moscow TsUM running ads that suggest six year olds will be social outcasts if they don't wear Prada is that they waited until the kids were six to start targeting them.

In a series of cartoons, a girl of about six is shown sneering at the childish pleasures of life.

One shows her turning her back on her teddy bear and toy bunny, saying: "I don't need you two any more. Now all I'm interested in is clothes."

In another she tells the unhappy bear: "You are unfashionable! Farewell!"

Everyone knows devushka training needs to start a lot earlier than six to be effective.

via Jezebel

I've Been Usurped!

Having largely abandoned the Devushka beat due to lack of material and imagination, I seem to have lost control of the niche to Diary of a Devushka. She doesn't yet have the photos to cement her bona fides, but it seems that she is a devushka herself, which makes her completely legit and exposes me as a mere poseur.

She even has a devushka dictionary:

"DEVOUSHKA ASSETS" : Every devoushka knows that low self esteem is not an option in her self image. Therefore you figure out your best physical assets and show them off whether it's a good figure or lovely fingernails.

I look forward to her analyses of the regional devushki variations, particularly the Donetski subgenus.

Mashallah Elena! But after I scratch your eyes out, like any devuska would.

The Anti-Devushka Goes to the Beach

Notoriety Not Proven

Longtime reader/frequent commenter Copydude weighed in on the wikipedia reference in yesterday's post.

Quick backstory: While in the U.S., it fell to me to explain to my father what wikipedia is and the important role it plays in modern life, such as resolving bar-based trivia disputes before they turn violent. Recent examples I used to illustrate its value included "who was Ford's vice president?" "the difference between dwarves and midgets" and the "difference between lambs and kids." He then expressed surprise when it turned out that he, of such high stature in the wire and concrete reinforcement community, doesn't have a page. I told him I'd, uh, get right on it. Guess it's harder than it looks!

Anyway, back to Copydude, lookin' out for Carpetblogger:

"CB, you wrote: 'First, a little background (shamefully, like my father, she has no Wikipedia page)'

True confession. Last year, as a bit of mindless mischievy, I attempted to set up Wikipedia Carpetblogger page. 'The Wikipedia of Slutty Dressing.' You may remember the in-joke. Well, I had nothing else to do one Wednesday afternoon.

It is actually quite hard to set up Wikipedia pages. I went through many hoops. I tried to be cute and supplied an authentically forged map and co-ordinates of Crapistan. Then I supported it with many references to CB and Dyevushkas. But I got very sniffy rejection slips from Wikipedia mods. 'Notoriety not proven' was the nail in your coffin, CB.

I tried another couple of workarounds - like entering Carpetblogger as a 'stub' - hoot - but Wiki sent me a mail telling me to go play in the sandbox.

I tell you, I wouldn't bother with Wiki again - not even as a practical joke. I don't have that many Wednesday afternoons. So, no shame if you're not mentioned. Lots of people must give up. And I'm sure you didn't want to be a 'stub' anyway."

Notoriety not proven! Well, clearly the wikipediots haven't asked around Baku. And, anyway if the amount of hits we get for "devushka," and "camel toe" are any indication, wikipedia owes it to us because Carpetblog is the internets' primary authority on those topics.

Anyway, Tim Noah wrote two pieces on Slate a while back about how hard it is to get your own wikipedia page and how there's no good reason why people like my father or Carpetblog, or Copydude, shouldn't have their own page.

 

Surely, There Must Be Better Places To See Boobies

than Carpetblog.

I have been getting so many hits lately that my head is starting to get big. But, as the Producer helpfully points out, it's all about the boobies, and posting that picture a second time didn't have the desired effect.

So, no more Boobies. I'll keep the devushka photos up for now, though people searching "devushka" images still constitute a huge number of visitors. Lie down with dogs, as it were.

It was getting a little crowded in here....