Dear AeroSvit, :
It's over between us
I had become quite fond of you over the last year. I liked your no-hassle approach to security (none, pretty much), your cheap fares to Istanbul, your fast check-in and minimal delays. I could always locate your counter in Istanbul's cavernous departure hall by searching for the particular hair color and footware choices of your typical passenger.
I defended you to my friends who thought you were just another shitty BabyFlot full of drunks vomiting in the aisle and applauding wildly at touchdown. You were better than "not that bad." You were "pretty good for this part of the world."
But it's, as they say, all over now.
In most consumer relationships there are a couple of principles that are generally adhered to. Based upon the behavior of your staff on January 7th, some of these principles might have been omitted in the most recent edition of your customer service manual (is written in Russian? It's ok. You can tell me):
- If someone gives you money to enter into an agreement, you uphold it;
- If you cannot, you make amends;
- The response "It's not my problem" does not fit into either category.
When I showed up at Borispil with 200 kgs of dogs and luggage, the correct reaction was not, "Only one dog per flight! That's our policy." 'Cause, really, that only made me mad.
Not only was this a buttfaced lie, I had a reservation in my hand, issued by your downtown ticket office, indicating these dogs were indeed scheduled to be on this flight. You said this was not your problem because those tickets were issued by a ticket office. I'll admit that it was hard for me to respond to that logic.
I lost my temper; about this I had a momentary twinge of regret. I realize that had I behaved suchly in countries where the terrorists have not yet won, I might be writing this from a secret prison in Poland. Can you blame me for losing my composure when you said I would have to pay to change the tickets that you fucked up? Can you blame me for being angry that I had to spend two more days in your country, for which any remaining goodwill I held was depleted by this incident?
As is usually the case, something else was going on that night. It had nothing to do with how many dogs can fit in the cargo hold of a 737 and everything to do with your management system, which I believe was developed based on the book, "The 7 Principles of Highly Effective Post-Soviet Management: Lying, Cheating and Stealing." What was in that cargo hold anyway?
Your goal was to run down the clock, to wait until 40 minutes before the flight was scheduled to depart so you could shut down the counter without resolving our issue, thus making us someone else's problem. You pretended to be working on it, but admit it. You were updating your glamor shot on UkraineBride.net. And don't go accusing me of not treating you right. I offered you a little sumpin sumpin in honor of the new year.
Should Ukraine continue on a Western, rather than Eastern, trajectory (certainly not a given at this point, given the unabated rise of the banditocracy of late) your airline might one day lose its protected status. Kyiv's strip clubs will be clogged by British stag parties but they won't be flying in on AeroSvit. Borispil will be swamped by airlines with even worse service than yours, but offering tickets at 1/3rd the price.
I shall not mourn you. You suck.