Carpetblogger

Caretblog Recommends: Istanbul Eats Walking Tours

Frankly, it's not that hard to obtain the Carpetblog stamp of approval. We're not out to diminish our own brand or anything, but really, with a few exceptions taken on moral grounds, we'll shill for almost all of our friends.

Indeed, we have in the past shilled for Istanbul Eats, not just out of affection for its founders, but because it is the best guide to eating in this city. We use it all the time (IE recs got us to try current faves Datli Maya and Mohti) and recommend it to everyone.

We have also always recommended IE's culinary walking tours, even though we had never taken one, or, until very recently, known anyone who had. That's how important our credibility is.

But after dear friends visiting from San Francisco last month raved about the tour and promptly signed up to do a second one, we thought maybe we had been missing out on something important and fun. In fact, we were more than a little embarassed when walking around town with them, sharing all our greatest insights about the mysteries of the city such as the difference between dana and koyun işkembe, they said, "oh yes, our guide Angelis already told us that."

So when Carpetblog's Kosovo Korrespondent suggested we do a Festivus Day tour, led by that Greek Angelis Nannos who really made us look bad to our guests, we said, "well, ok."

Have you ever visited your friend in Istanbul and noticed that she doesn't really know anything about the city and seems to be making shit up, or takes you to the places closest to her apartment? Well, Angelis isn't like that. He's your cool friend in Istanbul who really does know good places in unlikely neighborhoods and loves to show them to you with great enthusiasm. Who knows? Maybe he can be your new friend in Istanbul. Other people seem to like him.

Would you travel across town for a doner? We sure as hell wouldn't, not before visting a hole-in-the-wall döner place in the back streets Küçükpazar (you don't even know where that is, do you?), where the dönerci marinates real lamb meat in onion juice overnight and alternates layers of meat and vegetables. Do you think a pide is just beyaz peynir and sucuk toasted on some dough? Try adding Black Sea magic village butter to the crust at a place in Fatıh that, to some skepticism, claims to be the first Pideci in Istanbul. Do you think Turkish Delight is gross? Well it is, but you might find some that's at least not made of rubber in the back streets of Eminönü. Have you tried kokoreç? After five years in Istanbul, we finally did and it's not as bad as we expected. That white matter at the tip of the knife in the photo? Suet. Yum.

This is just a long way of saying that Carpetblog stands by our endorsement of Istanbul Eats' Culinary Walking Tours and has forgiven Angelis for making us look dumb to our visitors. Also, we know from reliable sources that IE's Meghan gives excellent tours as well, even though we haven't been on hers.

And, as long as we're sharing love, we haven't shilled for Istanbul Personal Shopper in a long time. Like IE's food tours, Kathy takes visitors to parts of the Grand Bazaar people who have lived here for years don't know about. The best part? Your visitors will love the tour and you won't have to go to the Grand Bazaar. Everyone wins!

If we were in the FSU, we would pull out our stamp and stamp our approval on both.

Carpetblog Weighs in: Georgian Food in Istanbul at Cafe Euro

You've heard the old saying about dining in Istanbul -- "There's all kinds of cuisine here as long as it's Turkish." Perhaps you've argued that Istanbul is the biggest city in the world without a real Pakistani restaurant. People come to Istanbul for a lot of reasons -- many of them good -- but not for its selection of international food.

So, when we read a FB post by the writer of the lovely Delicious Istanbul blog about Cafe Euro's Georgian food, we got our hopes up, just a little. She appears to be of some FSU provenance -- not sure which, don't want to offend! -- so we viewed her as credible. And, that the restaurant is located in Aksaray -- which is known locally as Devushkastan --suggested that there is a built-in clientele who knows their satsivi from their tkemali.

Georgians are sort of like Soviet Mexicans. They moved around and set up restaurants all over the Soviet Union to serve their hungry workers needing a taste of home. Every FSU resident we've ever met craves the occasional Georgian meal, even if they've never been to Tbilisi. Georgian food, like Georgia, is unlike anything found anywhere else in the world. We have long moaned about the lack of the real thing in Istanbul. Georgia is so close! Why can't you get a Borjomi and a decent khingali here?

After reading DI's post, we put on our devushka boots and gathered up the famous but also charming Rutherford/Tomasetti Partners and plotted a route into the dark heart of Aksaray. Did you know there is a giant bus station right there in the middle of it that serves exclusively the Caucasus, Russia, Romania and Moldova? We had no idea. There must be a lot of workers coming to Turkey from those countries! What sort of work they do here do you think? Globalization is awesome.

And there it was, Cafe Euro, with Georgia's UFO-script and photos of khingali on the outside walls, conferring a legitimacy that could not be faked. We were so excited. We stepped down into its dark bowels and felt like we had stepped into a bus station in Batumi. Cheap cafe decor in Turkey is white molded plastic chairs. In Georgia, and Cafe Euro, it's rickety metal-backed chairs with pleather seats. It's also bleached hair, cigarettes and drunken dancing to Russian pop at 7 pm. We were home.

We have found that the only time we can speak Turkish is when we want to speak another language in which we know 50 words, like Russian. The waitress, who was Georgian, got excited by our efforts and, in violation of traditional food service norms in her homeland, became super friendly and helpful. Sadly, 7 pm is not the hour to go if you want lobio or khinghali. The only things available were khachapuri (yay!) and kebab (less yay). We speculate that if you want access to the full menu (keeping in mind there is no menu), you need to come when the buses are arriving or departing.

We ordered up some Adjarian (the kind with an egg, and not our favorite, but it will do if a Minghrelian is not available). It was fine but we really wanted khingali, particularly since we had talked it up to the RT Partners, who had never had Georgian before. And there was Efes, not Kazbegi. A real Russian speaker might have been able to rustle up some homemade wine or even some chacha, according to Istanbul Eats (which, consume at your own risk).

Our review: Hopes still high, we're going to go back at a different time. Georgian in Istanbul deserves all the support we can give it.

Cafe Euro is at the entrance to the heretofore unknown to Carpetblog giant bus station in Aksaray, on Kucuk Langa Cad.

 

 

This Just In: Scotland Reacts to Azeri Whisky Onslaught

SPEYSIDE-- Scottish whisky producers reacted switfly to news that Azerbaijan, known primarily as  the oasis between Iran and Chechnya, plans to begin distributing locally-produced whisky from the famed Tovuz-Baltiya distillery.

Presently, Tovuz-Baltiya is known primarily for its cognacs, which have been described by local experts as "the best in Ganja-Qazakh."

"We know that Muslims in general are known for the quality of their alcoholic beverages, and Azerbaijan, in particular, is noted for the "Seven Beauties" and "Karavansary" wine labels," said Scottish whisky spokesman William MacDougal. "We view this as a serious threat to our market share."

Recent reports claim the Azerbaijani distillery is going to target whisky drinkers in India and eastern Europe, where "they really know their single from their blended malts," said MacDougal.

Scottish whisky producers have adapted quickly to this shift in the marketplace. MacDougal, having recently travelled on Azal from London to Baku, added "peat and oak have become dated. We're exploring assfat and naptha, just to stay competitive."

 

 

Carpetblogger Learns and Grows

Some people come to foreign cities like Kabul to experience a different way of life, to gain a deeper appreciation of another culture and its history. We don't know many of those people. Most people we know come to places like Kabul for completely different reasons.

But sometimes, despite their best efforts, those latter people do end up learning valuable lessons about life and how to live it in a foreign culture. Despite their best efforts, they experience a degree of personal growth they never expected and an expansion of their narrow worldview.

Also, the lessons that stick are usually the ones that come at the greatest cost. This is so very true.

"Carpetblogger! How do you know all this?" We know this because we have recently learned and grown. I KNOW! SHUT UP!

We have learned that you should not try to buy booze in Kabul. It is a costly fool's errand.

Did you know that if you try to smuggle booze in to Afghanistan, which is an Islamic Republic, via the airport and get caught they might keep a bottle as a "tax" or sell your bottles back to you? So, don't try to do that. It might offend someone. Alternatively, be smarter than your average Taliban and store your stash in nalgene bottles.

Sadly, though, it is logistically difficult to smuggle in a six week supply. Alternatives must be sought.

Over the last month, we have spent $60 on a bottle of "Absolute" and $60 on a bottle of "Italian wine." If you're without a calculator close by, that's $120 on undrinkable booze. (If you have to ask why anyone would spend that much money on any bottle of liquor for any reason, you clearly have never lived on a compound or tried to manage anything in a war zone).

The red wine was an impulse buy at the Russian/Italian restaurant "Boccacio" (emphasis on the Russian). Walking out the front door after a gloppy pasta lunch, we eyeballed a full wine rack.

Suddenly, we were back in Ukraine.

"Devushkaaaa! Can I buy one of those bottles to go?"

"Nyet"

"Are you sure?" She turns to the Russian manager.

"OK. $60."

We bargained hard.

"That seems like kind of a lot for an 8 Euro bottle. Well, OK."

We carried that bottle around for three weeks, waiting for the optimal combination of high quality companions who also had a wine opener (total consultant fail: not carrying a wine opener in one's suitcase). In darker hours, we had whacked away at the cork with a knife and, later, our teeth, to no avail.

Last night, finally, 50% of conditions were met, when Scrappy the War Correspaniel and that guy Jason showed up at our hotel room with an opener in hand.

We poured out two glasses and a nalgene chalice. Profound disappointment ensued.  "Funny, the label  doesn't mention anything about it being sparkling." No matter how long we let it breathe, the situation didn't improve. Clearly, that wine had traveled from Peshawar on the back of a mule next to some RPGs in the middle of August.

The bottle of "Absolute" arrived via our media department. Generally, we count on media departments to be reliable sources of things like booze so we didn't ask key follow-up questions like, "where are you getting this stuff?" We obediently handed over $60. Big mistake! The bottle arrived in a plastic bag with a cap held on with packing tape. The inside bottom of the bottle was crusted with dirt and chunks of crud-- chunks of crud that were not yet suspended in the still-unidentified clear liquid. We are still awaiting restitution.

We've heard it's impossible to fake a beer can, so maybe we'll stick to Heieneken.

 

A Night Out With Carpetblogger In Mingus, TX

We've noticed that Central Texas shares many characteristics of some of the more sophisticated areas of Pashtunistan. For example, both have substantial populations of heavily armed religious fanatics (Buckle Bunny* refuses to take us to Waco -- one in a string of outrages we've experienced lately). Also, getting a drink takes lots of effort.

As we might have mentioned in an earlier post, Eastland County is dry. Fortunately, as a habitue of Muslim countries, we already know how deal with this. For example, if you live in Islamabad, you load up at Duty Free and entertain quietly at home. If you live in Gorman, Texas, you go to Mingus.

(Here is Richard Thompson singing "Mingus Eyes" which is pretty awesome and may or may not be related to Mingus, Texas. A quick perusal of the lyrics does not rule it out!)

Mingus lies a few miles north of I-20 and has a population of 254 (buy your T-shirt here!). Its central business district is pretty much a county road lined with bars. And by bars, we mean "pressboard shacks with some Budweiser posters on the walls, a dartboard and, maybe, karaoke."

Options are many! You have your Boar's Nest, your City Lights, your R-Bar, your White House, your Mule Lip and your Sugar Bush. There may be others. We don't know. It was dark. 

The primary difference between these bars and ones you might find in Pashtunistan, if they had bars there, is that people get extremely drunk on Coors Light and rather belligerent on Friday night. We had been under the mistaken impression that the extremely drunk belligerents we saw at the Boars Nest were also armed, making us feel this was the most menacing bar in which we had ever had the pleasure of drinking Coors Light. We feel a lot better now knowing that it is illegal to bring your gun into bars.

Sadly, though, many Mingus visitors avoid the Mule Lip because some guy shot someone there last year. The newspaper story is linked here and, if you have not yet been convinced about the utility of social media, please spend a few minutes reading the comments. 

Before you head to Mingus, know that its bars can only serve beer and whatever is the new century's version of Zima. That means you stop at the liquor store and buy your own bottle before you choose your bar. May we suggest Cheryl's? The night we stopped in, Cheryl's was helmed by two 80 year-old women in matching red sweatshirts who looked like twins. They were struggling a bit with their cash register that night. We have no doubt they, too, were heavily armed.

*Buckle Bunny is the Carpetblog contributor formerly known as Red State Sibling.

Carpetblog Recommends: Istanbul Eats

This city is woefully lacking in useful online entertainment and restaurant information in English that's targeted at people who live here rather than visit. Props to Yigal Schleifer (of the excellent Istanbul Calling) and Ansel Mullins (who hosts our favorite Turkish radio show on Açik Radyo called Soul Sendikası) for starting a new restaurant blog Istanbul Eats.

It's got reviews of off-beat places like one of our favorite bean restaurants, Fasuli, and odes to Kaymak, the best condiment ever. Better yet, it seems to avoid the obvious places deemed "hot" by the travel press a year after they start to suck.

We've often considered writing more restaurant reviews but we think sometimes you need to be nicer to be in that line of work. Go show Yigal and Ansel some hit love!

Ask Carpetblogger: Did The AC Poison You?

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that it was a very expensive fish dinner at Bebek Balikcisi, in Istanbul's yuppified Bebek neighborhood. You know, you can eat a 3 YTL doner every day and not get sick (even if you deserve it). Violently expelling a 100 YTL fish dinner for two days adds insult to the already substantial injury.

I did sit outside that night, though, so I shouldn't jump to conclusions.